Its 11 pm. And iam on my bed as usual. Reclined agaist the headrest of my bed with my laptop over me. I can feel the sound of silence. Silence has the most distinct sound. Quiiiiiieeeeet ! as I rest on my 11th floor room , where the hum drums of the civilized world below can never dare to ente,r all I can hear is the gush of air being pumped out of the air conditioner and the intermittent sound of its compressor , that’s apparently demanding a service !
I am writing this because now I have lot of time . if I don’t, callous memories of my son will surround me and I dread them as much as I dread the evil spirits !
Once upon a time this was shawns room. He would take care everything in his room was a perfect eight. Oh well I can still see his highly possessed toys and his volumes of books and hobby materials stacked in array ! oh yes I how can I forget to see his dearest buddy. His laptop,, on which he would play games, write , and draw his own world. aah! They have suddenly lost their sanctity ! like me it appears, even they are missing him and feeling completely useless.
Once upon a time this mansion of a penthouse had so much of bang bangs, chuckles, non stop high decibel cartoon films happening. And off course, how can I ever forget his bout of endless innocent questions ? papa nuclear physicist kaise bante hain ? papa can i want to play in the national cricket team. Pl mera coaching shuroo karva do na.” I wud be a frustrated father then ..gosh pl maintain silence. This house is a fish market. I second of silence then would appear like a well deserved peace to me !
Now that hes gone ….iam left with two things in abundance.. his memories….once upon a time he was existing here. And the never ending silence.
i try to combat the horror of solitude with books or computers. i guess they’re like ammunitions. They have a limit and life. You run out of them after some time. And then The horror that was hidden somewhere, somehow realizes this. And the attack happens again ! how long am I going to experience this .. I don’t know.
As I ‘ll switch of the lights , I know the world isn’t gonna go dark and quiet for me. Ironically the world is gonna come alive just after that. Memories will come back with a bang
The room will then glow with ‘so many’ Night Glow’ stick ups. Above me, on the roof, on the walls …everywhere. And each one will outshine the other. The stars, the moon , the planets. The small star in the corner. I remember , I had done the room personally for him. Each night glow was glued so immaculately. I dint want a single star to fall . And fall none of them did. But…Sad , My most precious star left me.he dropped out !
I know….i know .. people tell me ive done a gud job.. I know. I know by this time as so many that I know, reminded me of my ‘great ‘, achievement. “ you’ve done it for him you’ve done this for his good…his future shobhit.” I know every thing.
BUT
a) iam a father who single handedly raised his child who is a single reason for me to live..
b) He was my only friend.. my only company
c) Iam also a human. No one loves the horror of being alone in a ‘haveli ‘. I wish people live my life for a day.
As the fragile hands of the clock are about to meet each other at their destination ‘12’, all I can see is the off white colored blank walls gaping at me. Trying to facilitate my tryst with niravaana.
But hey why am I writing all this ? no no no … I need to keep myself absolutely normal and keep the home fires burning. I have to live for my darling son. Love you shawn wherever you are. Thank you for coming into my life. I never know something could be as precious as you are. let all the gods of the world bless you my tiny soul.
I am writing this because now I have lot of time . if I don’t, callous memories of my son will surround me and I dread them as much as I dread the evil spirits !
Once upon a time this was shawns room. He would take care everything in his room was a perfect eight. Oh well I can still see his highly possessed toys and his volumes of books and hobby materials stacked in array ! oh yes I how can I forget to see his dearest buddy. His laptop,, on which he would play games, write , and draw his own world. aah! They have suddenly lost their sanctity ! like me it appears, even they are missing him and feeling completely useless.
Once upon a time this mansion of a penthouse had so much of bang bangs, chuckles, non stop high decibel cartoon films happening. And off course, how can I ever forget his bout of endless innocent questions ? papa nuclear physicist kaise bante hain ? papa can i want to play in the national cricket team. Pl mera coaching shuroo karva do na.” I wud be a frustrated father then ..gosh pl maintain silence. This house is a fish market. I second of silence then would appear like a well deserved peace to me !
Now that hes gone ….iam left with two things in abundance.. his memories….once upon a time he was existing here. And the never ending silence.
i try to combat the horror of solitude with books or computers. i guess they’re like ammunitions. They have a limit and life. You run out of them after some time. And then The horror that was hidden somewhere, somehow realizes this. And the attack happens again ! how long am I going to experience this .. I don’t know.
As I ‘ll switch of the lights , I know the world isn’t gonna go dark and quiet for me. Ironically the world is gonna come alive just after that. Memories will come back with a bang
The room will then glow with ‘so many’ Night Glow’ stick ups. Above me, on the roof, on the walls …everywhere. And each one will outshine the other. The stars, the moon , the planets. The small star in the corner. I remember , I had done the room personally for him. Each night glow was glued so immaculately. I dint want a single star to fall . And fall none of them did. But…Sad , My most precious star left me.he dropped out !
I know….i know .. people tell me ive done a gud job.. I know. I know by this time as so many that I know, reminded me of my ‘great ‘, achievement. “ you’ve done it for him you’ve done this for his good…his future shobhit.” I know every thing.
BUT
a) iam a father who single handedly raised his child who is a single reason for me to live..
b) He was my only friend.. my only company
c) Iam also a human. No one loves the horror of being alone in a ‘haveli ‘. I wish people live my life for a day.
As the fragile hands of the clock are about to meet each other at their destination ‘12’, all I can see is the off white colored blank walls gaping at me. Trying to facilitate my tryst with niravaana.
But hey why am I writing all this ? no no no … I need to keep myself absolutely normal and keep the home fires burning. I have to live for my darling son. Love you shawn wherever you are. Thank you for coming into my life. I never know something could be as precious as you are. let all the gods of the world bless you my tiny soul.
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Sumesh Nair